Fearfully Trusting

Isaiah 41:13
“For I am the Lord, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear, I will help you.”

There is a lifetime of sorrow in this one particular question (especially if posed to a woman, in my opinion):
What if God wanted you to spend the rest of your life single; would you be okay with that?

If I were to answer completely honestly, my faith-filled heart would shed a mountain of tears as I answered, “No.”

As a woman, and a follower of Christ, I would shamefully admit that I would not be okay with being single for the rest of my life, even if God deemed it so.


After I moved self outta the way, I would do exactly that, knowing that while my flesh would never be okay with that, my spirit would be willing to obey God’s will.

As a woman, I already believe that a woman’s true sole purpose for being created in the first place was to be a mate to a man. God created Eve because Adam was alone and God decided that wasn’t a good look.

So, for me to live a life never being a mate, or ever again (since I’ve been married once before) t a man of God’s choosing would deeply sadden me. I think that I’d live, and die, feeling as if I’d never fully fulfilled my true purpose for living, regardless of any other things I may do and accomplish in my single life.

Sunday morning, I woke up the first time praying and telling God how I trusted Him to control my life, but that I was afraid, as well, because I didn’t know how things would turn out. I didn’t go to a brick and mortar building when I awoke for good that Sunday morning, but I did hear a sermon.

This sermon basically, no not basically but SOLELY was about my exact prayers earlier that morning. The preacher explained how I couldn’t completely trust in God AND have fear of that trust at the same time. Essentially, one canceled out the other. As a human person, I guess the excuse could be made that the fear just can’t be helped; but as a Christ-follower, the fear should have no place in me if I am completely trusting God to work out everything in my life for my good.

I don’t know that I will ever be rid of my fear of how things would turn out, but I do know that even when I’m afraid, I still trust God. Not that I would ever want it to happen, but I think of the song sung by Marvin Sapp (or maybe it’s Donnie McClurkin) where he says, “What if I lose everything I love? Yes! I’ll still trust You, Lord!”

(Pardon my french here, please) I’d be scared as hell, but if I would have to suffer a fate such as Job’s, I’d STILL trust the Lord.

Whatever happens in my life, it’s either the will of God, or my own stupidity. Haha, I’ll take the will of God any day!


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