That would be the question these days, huh?
As you know, I always speak candidly about myself in my blogs, so I’ll just keep that up.
I’ve been sexually active since I was 16 yrs old. I admit (hindsight is 20/20 they say) that I really should have waited, but I didn’t, and here we are. There was a time when I was in college, after that first semester, I did voluntarily abstain from sex for about 7 months. And then I broke that abstinance.
I mean, I felt like I wasn’t doing myself any good in the spiritual department with that whole thing: Either I was sinning by havind sex, or I was sinning by THINKING of having sex; by TALKING about having sex; by LUSTING after sexy ass men; by SELF-sexing (although we’re still trying to figure out if self-sexing is indeed a sin).
Anyway, religiously/spiritually, I didn’t think I was doing myself any good. The Word says that to do any of the above is STILL a sin…and one sin is not (contrary to what people would believe) worse than another.
Call me retarded, but I figured if I was doomed anyway, I may as well have fun with it. The only fun was in the actual DOING.
(Please, remember, this is just my opinion.)
Anyway, fast-forward through my early marriage, child-birthing, and divorce. After I split with my husband, I enduded another, longer, stint of voluntary abstinance, or celibacy. This time though, after the first few months (I went a whole 3yrs) I didn’t even self-sex, and eventually, I quit thinking about it, too. The next 2yrs were sort of easy to to get through after that. Even though I was only offered sex maybe once every few or four months at a time. LOL
Now, I just don’t think I would ever voluntarily decide to abstain from sex again. I LIKE sex. And I know that where the Word of God is concerned, I am actively being disobedient to that Word. I’ll have to deal with that.
But, what I really want to know is this: When people make the conscious decision, whether they are in a relationship or not, to voluntarily abstain from having a sexual relationship…why do they do so?
What is the ruling force behind people who have began a sexual life to suddenly and willingly stop?
Is it a spiritual reason?
Is it a concern for their health, physical or mental?
Is it that the choice is just easier for them because their relationship really ain’t all that to begin with?
I really would like to know what pushes this decision.
The first time I voluntarily abstained from sex was because I noticed that I was doing some really crazy scary shyt to have sex. I believe that I might have been addicted to the actual process of having sex. I was screwing strangers and dudes whose names I never got ONCE, let alone could remember AFTERWARDS. So, I said to myself that that crazy shyt had to stop. Then I got a hold of myself and I no longer screw strangers in strange places.
The second time, I had some mental issues I needed to work out in my head after my husband left me for another woman who was more willing to give him sex than I was, apparently. Honestly, that screwed up my head and I wasn’t good for anyone, even for just a physical, sexual relationship. And, yeah, it took me 3 long years to straighten up my head. The Lord worked on me.
But, after that time, I STILL liked sex! I got back into the active sex life game. I even had a few temporary-permanent partners who would indulge me (especially since I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship past the sex at the time.)
But, 6 yrs later, I’m down to ONE every now and again partner and am cool with having just that one….I’m even cool with the fact that a month or two might pass between one sex session and the next.
I realize that I want more than just a physical, sexual relationship at this time, but I am just not willing to give up the sexual part COMPLETELY.
But, I AM abstaining from obtaining more partners than the one I have now every now and again.
What makes a person want to stop having sex altogether after having started their sex life? Could it be that all the hype wasn’t what that person expected and therefore, there’s no pressing need to get it all that much?
Maybe, like me, that person noticed that the things they were doing to get it were not safe for them and needed to quit while they were ahead and get a hold of themselves?
This blog is just an open question because I read so many blog posts/articles/tweets about people NOT getting it after months/years/decades of getting their groove on. I’m just wondering.
What do you think?