Striking Out

 

Striking out, lashing out, wanting to hurt, to cause pain, to anger as I am — I use words that pierce the heart, that leave open wounds on the soul, that cause hurt and destroy…

Striking out, lashing out, needing to destroy, contemplating ways to tear down — I do things that I normally would not do…I leave a path of pain and heartache behind my actions…

What is the cause of such anger and loss of control?
What has happened to make me lose sight of who I am?
Is this love game so bad that I would go so far beyond myself
to inflict the same self-loathing pain on you
that you have introduced me to?

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

At some point in life, I had written the above unfinished poem. I can’t remember the time as when I that angry, and I never want to meet that time at a later time in my life. Reading through that poem, I can only imagine the pain and hurt, anger and despair, that I must have been feeling towards some guy who just really, now, doesn’t seem worth it.

As I read through it, I wonder, what could have happened that would make me want to hurt someone, either verbally or physically, so much. At this moment, I cannot think of a single thing.

Perhaps that means I’ve grown  mentally or something. Maybe I’ve grown spiritually.
Perhaps it could mean that I just don’t give a damn about much anymore……..

OR, it could mean that I haven’t been hurt in such a strong way since the time that I’d written that unfinished poem and don’t know what reaction I would have at all.

This blog doesn’t have a point…it doesn’t have a POINTED point, anyway. If you can take ANYTHING away from this actual rambling post, I invite you to do so. Let me know what it says to you….I’d love to know.

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