Sometimes we fall into the trap of getting, settling for, taking things, simply for the sake of having them. In relationships between men and women, mostly, it’s the worst. We get so tired of being alone and lonely, we’ll “take what we can get” even if it’s not completely, or is the ABSOLUTE opposite of, what we want.
For example: I’ve been single for quite some time. Honestly, I haven’t been in a real relationship since I split with my now ex-husband ten years ago. So many times, I’ve fallen into my own trap of just wanting some company, I end up with a guy who only offers me a physical relationship with none of the intimacy I desire.
I end up settling for the short-term pleasure, while still longing for EVERYTHING else in the long run.
With so many offers out there for short-term pleasure, and this society’s seemingly need for a “microwave” fix on everything, the settle is very easy to do. We all want what we want now. We don’t really want to wait, or work for our desires to come along in completion. For some, it could even be possible that we believe that our desires “in completion” is not even a possibility.
And we’ll settle for that, too.
Settling for mediocre isn’t nearly as hard on us as waiting for the absolute. Waiting is just too hard. Waiting, holding out, requires a balance of determination and will-power that few of us seem to have. Or so it may seem. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but I think a lot of people are with me, even if they don’t want to admit it, or know it.
Saturday, I was offered the warmth and pleasure of an old friend I used to see. The offer was nice, but I’ll have to pass. I’d like to think that I possess what it takes to hold out for what I really want to hold on to.
I want conversation, so I’ll hold out for conversation.
I want companionship beyond sex for 45 mins, so I’ll hold out for companionship beyond sex for 45 mins.
I want a relationship that’s intimate as well as physical, so I’ll hold out for a relationship that’s intimate as well as physical.
I want more, so I’ll hold out for more.
Hopefully, I possess the strength, determination, and will-power it takes to hold out in order to get those things that I really want to hold on to. I also believe that everything I want can be obtained. I do not believe that I have to sacrifice even one desire in order to get the man I want.
In regard to the offer from my friend, let me just say that I cannot allow myself to fall into the trap of having ONE of my desires fulfilled simply because I can “get it now.”
Sometimes, we as people allow others to come into our lives and those other people in no way contribute anything to our lives, except a small hint of instant gratification. Too many times, we allow other people who are no more than a “vexation to our spirits, or are completely out of sync with us” (I *borrowed* that from a Clutch Magazine Online article comment I read earlier) to come in and take up space in our lives just so that we don’t have to “feel” alone while we are yet alone.
We can avoid the traps we’ve set for ourselves, if we are willing to watch where we’re stepping. It won’t be easy, but as I read somewhere once before, any journey worth the taking is worth taking slowly and carefully. The joy is in the JOurneY.
And when we’ve gotten what we’ve wanted, the journey will have been well worth the travel.