100% All The Time

Sometime, I just sit and think. I think that perhaps I can oftentimes be too damn honest with myself. There are some things that I’m pretty sure I never wanted to know about myself. LOL

I laugh, but I’m only half-joking.

This evening, I asked on Facebook and Twitter, if it were possible that one could be too honest with one’s self. And though, I didn’t get any answers, as I’ve just previously stated, I’m pretty sure the answer is “yes.”

I was thinking about my friend who I could see myself be completely STUPID for, having a girlfriend (even though he told me that he didn’t…I forgive him). I’m a little bit perturbed that he DOES have a girlfriend…and that she ain’t me. Yep… There’s the honest truth. This particular dude, I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be his girlfriend. Since the moment I met him face to face. He’s so cute and adorable and he seems so sweet and respectable. I just can’t help but want to be with THAT! So, anyway, I saw a picture of him and his girlfriend together. And all I could come up with about her (especially since I don’t know her, I mean WHO am I that I’ve got ANYTHING to say about HER???) is that she’s just not cute enough for HIM.

Er…um…. my flavor “Haterade” is “bitter”….. LMBO

And although I’ve been trying ALL day NOT to really think about things along the lines of HIM, I keep coming back to the fact, that I never really PUSHED anything to even SEE if maybe, perhaps, me and dude could be more than just friends. And you know what? (here’s one of those REALLY honest things I didn’t really wanna know….) I STILL wouldn’t push, even if he DIDN’T have a girlfriend. I’m pretty much hap………….on the fence…..about him having a girlfriend. LOL Fucc that, I’ve got to be 100% all the damn time.

I’m low-key (a term I learned from Twitter) mad that dude has a girlfriend at all, but then if he’s happy, then I’m happy that he’s happy… Just not that damn ecstatic about it; don’t get it twisted.

And then, later, I was thinking…..
IF my ex-husband would not have left me for another woman, I’m pretty sure that our asses would still be together, MISERABLE in each other’s company. Why, you ask… Well, see, it’s like this. I NEVER liked the dating scene. All the pretense one has to go thru to just have a freaking conversation. All the toes and feelings you’ve gotta try to avoid stepping on and crushing and shyt. I can’t stand it. I have ONE certain way of speaking. ONE…… and I don’t like to have to adopt any other way, just to be PC when it comes to “stroking the dude’s ego” or what the hell ever is supposed to happen during those times. So, instead of me being brave enough to move the hell on, if dude wouldn’t have left me, I’d still be mad at him because he’d still be around.

God knows I never wanted to be in THAT situation. God forgive me for even thinking of it.

But, like I said, I’ve got to be 100% real and honest at all times.

What about you?


One thought on “100% All The Time

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