You Just Don’t (REALLY) Wanna Know

You know about it, but you don’t know about it….

Domestic violence has been around for many, many years.
I don’t support it, of course.
But, I’m feeling some type of way today about all those who wanna step in and make the claim that domestic violence is NOT a private issue … NOW!

I grew up in a couple of household where¬†domestic violence was friggin’ the damn norm…the usual morning ritual and shyt!
I grew up BELIEVING that no one cared if a woman was getting beat up by her man/husband/boyfriend.

Why? Because no one ever wanted to ACKNOWLEDGE it. Everybody always shied away from that discussion… from the problem… from extending any kind of help. They shied away away like it was disgusting and not worthy of a place at the discussion table.

BUT!!! NOW! Today, here in the last few years…I’ll give it about the last 5 (since I personally have been paying attention.)….NOW, it’s all the rage for everyone to want to … dole out punishment on the oppressor … GIVE FRIGGIN’ ADVICE. But, still, no one REALLY wants to get involved. No one wants to step in and give any real help! And the reason for that is simple: No matter what YOU say,¬†domestic violence is an INTENSELY private situation. Regardless of what wordy wisdom one might can give, it is ultimately up to the two people involved to change their situation…..

My thoughts might jumble here, but I’ll end up in a very logical place later……….

Now, today, let it be some man (like women NEVER hit men…. tsk tsk) in the public eye and all heads turn. Suddenly domestic violence is the talk of every newspaper, blog and household around.

People are hypocrites!

Used to be, if people even got a whiff of some physical trouble in somebody else’s home, they charged the woman up and told her to try and do everything she could to not provoke him. Don’t make him mad. Stay out of his way. They gave so much advice, so many directives, and did everything but try to help her. They never went to HIM. They never spoke of the actual violence taking place. They never said LEAVE. There was never any mention of her getting out…unless of course, she ended up in the hospital. But this blog ain’t about all that………. LOL

Even today, with all the new “awareness” about domestic violence, people are still avoiding the subject, while seemingly trying to face the subject. They say they wanna understand. They say a lot, but their actions are limited to posting pictures, like the one above…they wear colored-ribbons, and have past victims preach their stories. But no one pays attention to the pics, they don’t care for the ribbons, and they don’t heed the stories. You can’t really DO anything unless the ones you are trying to do it for accepts it.

Domestic violence ain’t new. This ain’t the beginning and it certainly ain’t gonna be the end. It is ongoing and next week, people will be back to ignoring the problem.

Why? Because no one wants to really get involved. Many want the appearance of doing something, but no one really wants to get their hands dirty. No one wants to admit that “there but by the grace of God….”

And beyond that, no one CAN really get involved. (<– But, I’ll get to this point in a minute.)

Here’s my little story:
I, personally, have only been in one incident of physical abuse. I was 18/19 yrs old and the boyfriend at the time was so convinced that I was supposed to marry him that it blew his mind that I wasn’t as convinced as he was. He choked the light outta my eyes. I thought I was going to die, but he came to his senses and I lived, obviously. (I wanted to kill him for trying to kill me, but my cousin wouldn’t let me.) We worked together, he and I, and when I got to work the next day, evidence of what happened was on my neck and my explanation was enough to get him fired. I was thankful that I wouldn’t have to be close to him ever again.
Growing up seeing my mother in physical abuse situations taught me early on that I didn’t have to STAY there in that situation.

(And here is where I explain that no one CAN really get involved.)

Now THAT….staying…is a personal choice. And that’s why no one can really get involved. It is for no one else to decide but the person making the decision.

That’s what gets me. Domestic violence can only be an issue when the person getting the bruises decides to get out or keep getting the bruises. That person needs to resolve to take a stand. Men and women who abuse others should know better. But, apparently, they don’t (or don’t want to know better).
And there is simply NO EXCUSE for their actions. But, like alcohol abuse, drug addiction, and gambling, some things are just to hard to help.

Ultimately, the abusee needs to take a stand in his/her own defense and leave a volatile situation and save him/herself.

And THAT is an extremely PERSONAL CHOICE!!!

I don’t know what makes another person feel the need to hit another. I don’t know how having control like that is such a powerful thing. But, I also don’t know what makes the person getting beaten feel the need to stay. I don’t know why that person continues to look for a change that quite possible will never come or that will only come at their demise.

Certainly, I don’t know why one would personally choose to stay today. With all the noise being made, all the choices and help out there today, I don’t know what makes a person stay in an abusive relationship. It makes no sense to me. But it’s not my decision to make, so I don’t really need to make sense of it. But, I do have an opinion! With the focus being so much on the abuser, I think the decision to stay might strongly have something to do with getting attention.

Sounds cruel and like I’m kinda blaming the victim, but I know that everyone of us alive knows about self-preservation, and getting attention, whether that attention is good or bad.
We know how to save ourselves. It is up to us to do so, regardless of whether we have help or not…and we want people looking at us as we do so.

Domestic violence has been around for many moons. It will most likely be around for many more. We cannot control people or their actions. We cannot control people’s impulses. We cannot make folk make good decisions. Domestic violence awareness will be around forever, now that more people are standing up to take notice, it’s not going anywhere. Like sunshine, it might dim a little bit, with everybody watching every 17 months, but it’s still there, it still remains.

But, to make the claim that it is a NOT a private matter, makes everyone who THINKS they are “getting involved” sound as self-centered as every domestic violence abuser out there.

It is yet a VERY PRIVATE and PERSONAL matter. You cannot make someone’s decision for them. Domestic violence is noticed by everyone. Domestic violence touches everyone. But, domestic violence ain’t everybody’s problem!

And that’s my 2-cents.


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